Power and Control

As an advocate working in the field of domestic violence and sexual assault, I talk a lot about power and control. It's funny, when you recognize the dynamics of power and control; you start to see it everywhere. I am glad I am able to recognize it now and point it out to clients, in order to help them recognize the power of it.

What is power and control? Here's a little graphic for you.

(http://www.lfcc.on.ca/HCT_SWASM_5.html)

Simply put, it is someone's need to feel power and control over another person. This can manifest in many different ways and severities. It could be something as simple as changing the time of a person's plans from 5 to 5:15. (Of course, if this happens to you, it doesn't necessarily mean that the person does it to feel power and control over you.) And on the other spectrum, it can manifest in domestic violence and sexual assault. Rape is not about a desire for sex, it's a desire for power and control. 

Anyway, this dynamic of power and control surrounds us everyday. I think a lot of today's social issues stem from this. Who doesn't like to feel power and control? I can't say that I don't do things from time to time to feel powerful and in control. It might not always be conscious of it, but I do it. 

Why does a person bully their classmate? Perhaps they do it to feel powerful by having control over the other person's feelings. Why does a person restrict their spouse from having contact with their friends? Perhaps, to feel powerful by having control over whom they see. Why does a person abuse their child or partner? Perhaps because they need to find something they can have power and control over.  Why does a person kill millions of innocent people? To feel powerful over an entire people group.

(And of course, I recognize that there are other reasons for these actions; however, I do believe that power and control is a bigger part of it than we realize.)

Unfortunately, sometimes when a person has little or no power and control over their lives, they feel hopeless, depressed, stay in abusive relationships, etc. They may withdraw from life, they might feel they deserve nothing better than being beat up everyday, and they may even commit suicide. They come to feel like they cannot accomplish anything because they do not feel the power within themselves to make it happen.

In addition, sometimes when a person has little or no power and control over their lives, they eventually come to a point where they need to have control, even if that means raping or beating someone else - mentally or physically. I am in no way excusing this behavior, I just want to simply point out the importance of recognizing and addressing the power and control struggle. Not everyone reacts this way, but some do.

Trauma and power and control dynamics affects everyone differently and the above mentioned are just some of the possible outcomes.

Not only do I see the negative effects of power and control in my client's lives, I also get to see the positive effect of helping clients regain that power, even if it's the simple act of writing a letter to their abuser and then destroying that piece of paper. We do not always see the power we have and do not have and I am privileged with the opportunity of helping others recognize this and learn to use it for good. 

I would just like to give you a challenge to help make the world a better place and to work against the negative effects of power and control.

Try to recognize the power and control in your life. Do you use your power for good or for evil, even in the small things? Let us not allow our need for power and control to negatively affect another person, but at the same time, realize that we have power to do great things. If you feel like you've lost your power or you never had any, try to find something you do have power over, like drawing or writing or something creative like that. That can be your first step to regaining the power in your life. 

Because power and control can lead us to do horrible things and it can also help us to do wonderful things. We all need power in our lives, but we need the right amount and the right outlet. 

By: Missy H.