Brains Thrive on Happiness

Making happiness our goal may seem like a shallow aim when we have survived domestic violence, sexual assault, or any kind of crime that leaves us feeling defenseless, vulnerable, and afraid.  Worrying about our safety and the safety of our children and loved ones may seem not only justifiable but the only sane thing to do. 

However, the kind of happiness that I am referring to is the kind that provides a sound basis for building a positive future.  This kind of happiness is good for our mental health, gives us hope that we need for recovery, and helps us come out the other side of all the dreadful things that have happened and live productive, meaningful lives characterized by love, freedom, fun, and belonging. 
Having personally witnessed the power of happiness to aid recovery from all the harmful things that life can throw our way, I was pleased to find an article in Business Insider that promoted the idea that neuroscience has basically uncovered the same theory. 

In my own words, I borrow from one of my favorite neuroscience/health bloggers, Eric Barker, the four ways that we can not only feel happier but make our brain healthier and stronger after we have been victimized. 

1.  Find something for which to be grateful.  One of the ways that our minds often trick us is by making us feel guilty if we are grateful for anything after we have suffered a terrible loss or a terrible ordeal.  The thought of starting over again when we feel so empty and taken advantage of can overwhelm us and make us feel as if we have no hope.  Still, making the effort to find something for which to be thankful gets our brains on the right track. 

When my friend Rebecca’s husband left her for her best friend, wiping out the bank account, and not helping her support the kids, she made a point to pull herself out of her misery by being grateful.  She said that every day she would be thankful that her children were safe; she was grateful for the agencies that offered her support and kindness; she was happy that her parents welcomed her back home until she could afford a place of their own.  Acknowledging and expressing gratitude allowed her brain to get off of the worrisome, depressing thoughts of rejection and betrayal that she was dwelling upon and helped her to become more positive in her interactions with others.  She is convinced that showing gratitude to her friends, family, and agency workers created more opportunities for her than if she would have let her depressing thoughts keep her in a state that blinded her to the good things that still existed in her life.  Relationship experts call this a “positive feedback loop.”   Her advice:  “Express gratitude to the people who are helping you through your hardship.”

2.  Naming those feelings instead of trying to suppress them.  It is true that many times in our efforts to be brave, we try to swallow the pain and mental anguish that often leads to depression.  We don’t usually have the luxury of wallowing in our pain – the kids have to be bathed and fed and tucked in bed, the bills have to be paid, we have to get to work on time.  However, feelings that go unnamed have a way of getting worse and could very well haunt us for a long time, keeping our brains in a mental fog that we may try to drown with busyness, complaining, and sadness at best, drugs, alcohol, or other addictive activities at worst. 

Even while Rebecca was searching for things to be grateful for, she acknowledged her feelings.  When she felt overwhelmed, she said so, to people who listened and cared about her feelings.  They didn’t offer her advice, necessarily, but they let her know that they understood.  When she was feeling hurt and betrayed, especially when she saw her ex-husband and ex-best friend flaunting their new relationship on Facebook, she said so.  Not on Facebook, but she confided in her counselor and her older sister, people who she had found to be safe in a world that suddenly felt full of traitors. 

According to science, even writing about your feelings and naming them in a personal journal calms your brain and allows it to process the turmoil through the abstraction of language and narrative.

3.  Making decisions helps your brain take a rest from worry and despair.  Brain science indicates that it doesn’t have to be a life or death decision, and it doesn’t even have to be the best decision.  Just making decisions, choosing something and going with it, often times pull us out of the pit of despair. 

Before Rebecca made the decision to move back with her parents, she was caught up in a whirlpool of indecision.  She didn’t want to lose her house, but she didn’t want to go bankrupt either.  She didn’t want to take her kids out of their school and away from their neighborhood friends, but she also wanted to be able to afford to feed and clothe them.  She didn’t want to sell her new SUV, but if she stayed in the house, there was no way she could afford to make the payments.  The day she finally made the decision to move back in with her parents, a big weight lifted off of her.  It was humbling to live with mom and dad again and her kids had to make the adjustment to a new school, but it was a good enough decision that gave her some extra leverage financially. 

4.  And then there is the power of touch. This advice can seem like a real hurdle to people who have been betrayed, sexually assaulted, or the victims of domestic violence, but it extremely important for one’s well-being to acknowledge the power of touch to help heal us.  Brain studies show that betrayal, rejection, and physical violence not only hurt our bodies, but damage our brains, while touching those we love can actually bring us and them health and healing. 

Neuroscience tells us that one of the main ways to release oxytocin through our system is through touching.  Handshakes and pats on the back and a brief shoulder rub are perfectly acceptable with our workmates and other people we know casually, but with the people we do know and love, make an effort to get more comfortable with the power of touch.

Rebecca was a hands-off kind of person.  Not being raised in a physically expressive family, she was not inclined to accept hugs or kisses from even close family members or friends.  However, she did find that holding her kids on her lap while reading them a story, tucking them in bed at night with a loving hug and kiss went far in helping her little family heal the sense of betrayal and loss that they had suffered.  Getting over her aversion to holding hands, accepting hugs, and even getting an occasional massage taught Rebecca that she needed to touch and be touched for good mental health. 
According to neuroscience, massage can boost serotonin levels, lessen stress hormones and raise your dopamine, all of which helps your brain develop positive habits.  Massage reduces pain by activating endorphins that are released through the oxytocin system.  Massage helps you to get a good night’s sleep and fight fatigue. 

In conclusion these four simple steps can increase your happiness and well-being during the worst times in your life.  Making the decision to follow these steps can bring you hope, better your lives, and get you off to a fresh start.  So express gratitude for something, name your feelings, make decisions, and recognize the power of touch to bring health and healing to others and to yourself. 

Reference:
Barker, E. (2015). A neuroscience researcher reveals four things that will make you happier, http://mobile.businessinsider.com/a-neuroscience-researcher-reveals-4-rituals-that-will-make-you-a-happier-person-2015-9
Written by: Eckie F., Education Specialist



 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Priceless – The Movie; Spoiler Alert

Update on PFC LaVena Johnson, Questions Still Unanswered

Revenge Porn Covered in Local New Outlet