Uncle Willy’s Tickles – A Child’s Right to Say No – a Review

Originally published in 1996, with a second edition printed in 2003, Uncle Willy’s Tickles, by Marcie Aboff teaches children about their personal boundaries, or body sovereignty, a term used by professionals in the field of child safety.  Recognized by the American Psychological Association as a “wonderful way to address the important issue of a child’s right to own his own body and say no,” this book is one of five books chosen by the Care for Kids curriculum – an early childhood sexuality and abuse prevention program designed for kids from PreK through second grade. 

Taking a different approach from other books that address sexual touching, this book features Kyle who is tickled by a beloved uncle named Willy.  Uncle Willy is a wonderful uncle who lets Kyle sit behind the wheel of his pickup truck and pretend to drive.  He takes Kyle ice cream sundaes and can do all sorts of magic tricks that make Kyle and his whole family laughs and has fun.  Kyle evidently loves his Uncle Willie and just about everything there is about him, except those dratted tickles.  Kyle has no idea what to do.

Not wanting to hurt Uncle Willie’s feelings seems to be paramount in Kyle’s mind as he uses his imagination to come up with creative ways to stop being tickled by Uncle Willy.  He thinks about painting spots all over himself and pretending he has the chicken pox.  He thinks about dressing up like a pirate so Uncle Willie will not recognize him.  He thinks about hiding, and even pretending to be sick and skip his dinner.  In the end, his mother helps him to tell Uncle Willie that he doesn’t like to be tickled. 

In this story, Uncle Willie thanks Kyle for telling him how he really feels about being tickled.  And he promises to stop.  In this story, Kyle is empowered by a mother who understands how important it is for kids to know their right to say no to any kind of unwanted touch. 

In the Care for Kids Parent Workshop, parents and caregivers learn how important it is for kids to know that they have this right.  Physical contact is important to children for not only strong and healthy emotional health, but to their very survival.  However, any touch that makes the child feel powerless, uncomfortable, or obligatory causes problems for kids and their adults.

In a “Note to Parents,” included on the back cover of the storybook, psychologist Jane Annunziata writes that for some children tickling is not tolerable, and that this preference should be respected, not mocked, scorned, ridiculed or ignored.  When a child says, “stop,” and it is ignored, feelings of desperation and loss of control can result in serious emotional and trust issues that lead to anger, damaged relationships, and troubling behaviors. 

In the story, Kyle’s mother sends a strong message to Kyle.  She says (p. 20) “Your body belongs to you.  No one has a right to tickle you or touch you in a way you don’t like.  Let’s go tell him..”  When parents send a clear message to children that it is their responsibility to stand up for them, they internalize this message.  It becomes the way that they think about themselves and the way they feel about their parents.  This message builds mutual trust, respect, and friendship bonds that last a lifetime. 

In the Care for Kids parent workshops, parents and caregivers to children learn how important their role is when it comes to defending their child’s body sovereignty.  Sometimes this puts parents in an uncomfortable role themselves as they ask relatives, friends, or other children to stop touching or treating their children in ways that are thought to be loving, fun, and exciting.  In the workshops, I often hear parents relate how one of their kids seem to adore being thrown in the air, held upside down, or being frightened by scary stories, while another may cry, be overly sensitive, or become sick.   It is important to know your children and their particular likes and dislikes.  Often children, like Kyle, are afraid to tell adults or even other children that they do not like being touched in certain ways. 

This story turns out okay for Kyle.  He has a mother who helps him find the words to express his true feelings to Uncle Willie in a way that Uncle Willies understands and respects.  Kyle and his uncle go on to have a loving and healthy relationship, playing games and being silly and enjoying one another’s company. 

Although I am not particularly fond of the title (why not Uncle Billy or Sam or George?), this is an excellent book for parents and kids alike to learn about the importance of body sovereignty and saying no to unwanted touches, even when they seem harmless and fun. 

References:

Aboff, M. (2003). Uncle Willy’s Tickles. Washington, DC: Magination Press.

Written by Eckie F., Education Specialist