“Why Didn't You Fight?”
TRIGGER WARNING: SEXUAL VIOLENCE Why didn't I fight? This is probably the question I am most asked by others. For a long time, it was a question I could not stop asking myself. The following is an excerpt from my memoir, written years ago when I was still grappling with that question. “Right,” I told him at the intersection. He smiled and turned left. “What are you doing?” I asked, my voice jumping in fear, which I tried to disguise as playfulness. Of course this was a joke. See? I get that it’s a joke. Now turn around. Turn around. Turn around. My eyes focused on my hands on my lap, the seatbelt tight across my chest, suddenly feeling too tight. The inside of his car was grey, all grey. I wanted to think of what to say, to do, but all I could think about was the grey. ...