The Harm of Shame
Individuals who experience domestic violence are diverse in socioeconomic status, personal traits, education, family status, history, and values. But nearly all share a common experience: their abusers exploit personal shame to exert control over their lives. Few people reach adulthood without internalizing some sense of shame, whether derived from feelings of unworthiness, bullying during childhood, an unloving family of origin, cultural or religious beliefs, or even a particularly traumatic embarrassing moment. An abuser might utilize a victim’s private shame to diminish her belief in her ability to leave the relationship, her willingness to resist the abuse, or her ability to clearly articulate that she is undeserving of mistreatment. Stigma and secrecy surrounding domestic abuse may compound feelings of shame in survivors. Otherwise supportive family, friends, and helping professionals can unwittingly contribute to feelings of shame with judgment, unhelpful suggestions, ...