Transitioning Times

The holiday season is looming, with parents and caregivers gearing up to manage children’s behavior with dire warnings about Santa’s omniscient gaze. Kids are encouraged to earn themselves a spot on the “nice” list, which typically means engaging in adult-pleasing pleasantries, like hugging visiting relatives, sharing toys with cousins, and playing quietly. Many well-meaning parents teach children that niceness is a virtue, and that pleasing others is a goal for which they should strive. Most parents admonish their children with phrases like, “Be nice,” “That’s not nice,” or “Nice little girls share with their friends.”  But, is “nice” really a trait that serves any person or relationship? Children are naturally inclined to desire the praise of their caregivers. Their confidence is often derived from external sources, which can be problematic as they become adults who require healthy boundaries in order to have successful relationships. When we teach children that pleasing o...

These photographs speak to me strongly about consent and language.  There are no words, only images, yet all of us can tell that these are not consensual encounters.  Many people who speak out against affirmative consent say that asking every five minutes doesn’t make people feel sexy.  I personally don’t believe asking “is this ok?”  disrupts anything, but for argument’s sake, I will help people read body language.  If someone is gripping your wrist or pushing your hands away, that means you should ask if they want you to continue.  If someone is lying completely still, that means you should ask if they want you to continue.  If from your perspective, someone seems to be enjoying it, ask if they want to continue.  Just keep asking!  If the other person is enjoying the encounter, you get to hear "yes, good job!  Keep going!"  If the person is not, STOP!  You get to save yourself and the other person from a terrib...

What’s that song you’re listening to?’ ‘Who sings it?’ These are common questions we ask the people around us or search the internet to discover. But how often do we ask, ‘What is this song about ?’ Every day people are exposed to music at home, in the car on the way to/from work or children’s activities, at stores, in the community. We don’t even pay much attention to most of it, and yet we can find ourselves humming or singing along with friends, family, or children, not really knowing what messages we may be endorsing by joining in on those catchy tunes and repeated refrains. In recent years, there has been much media attention given to this question about the messages contained in both lyrics and corresponding videos. A few years ago people were talking about Robin Thicke’s ‘ Blurred Lines ’, featuring T.I. and Pharrell Williams, which repeats the phrase, ‘You know you want it.' Lyrics like this perpetuate the idea that someone else has the right to tell you, when you...

If you ask 100 college students what the definition of sexual consent is, you may get 100 different answers.  Some may tell you that it is the absence of a verbal “no”.  Some may say that they “read between the lines” during vague conversations related to the topic and that if they don’t get a strong “No”, they move forcefully ahead.  And yet others say they interpret body language and nonverbal indicators to make their sexual decisions.  Any way you look at it, sexual consent seems to be very difficult for students to define and can be as confusing as an elaborate game of charades.  There should not be any doubt in the mind of an individual who wishes to engage in sexual activity that the other person does or does not want to have sex.  It’s not a guessing game.  Yet students will tell you they find the definition of sexual consent to be much like finding Bigfoot, it can be elusive and unexplained. The hugely popular “No means No” campaign tried...

This is hands-down one of the best Public Service Announcements I have seen.  It not only brings up issues of consent, but it also encourages bystander intervention. This scenario is a great example of how someone is still awake, waking around, somewhat engaging with others, but is not in a position to consent to sexual activity.  You can see her glassed-over eyes, her swaying, her vacant stare, her complacency.   There is a lot of discussion about consent intellectually , but on the street, on campus, in the bar, I don't think people know the difference between who is a person having a fun time, making informed decisions and who isn't.  How do you solve a problem like that?  ASK!  I once read an article that encouraged people to just ask others "are you ok?" if you suspect anything...domestic violence, child abuse, human trafficking, anything that smells fishy, just ask the person.  If they aren't ok, it gives them the opportunity to say no, a...

http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_ news/2013/08/28/20235700- montana-judge-defends- decision-to-sentence-teacher- to-just-30-days-for-sex-with- 14-year-old How is it that we are still blaming victims, students, CHILDREN for their rape? This judge decided that a 14 year old held the same knowledge/experience/power as a teacher to decide to engage in a "consensual" relationship, and therefore, the teacher was ordered to serve 30 days. In today's FFF, I ask when will enough be enough?! Too many young women are dying in light of bullying, sexual harassment, and the after-effects of rape.

One of the songs of the summer, “Blurred Lines”, by Robin Thicke, Pharrell, and T.I. is igniting a discussion about pop culture, consent and sexual assault.   The song and video were initially criticized for the use of gratitutous nudity—the entire video consisted of young women walking and dancing nude around 3 fully clothed men (Robin Thicke, Pharrell and T.I.).   The video was removed, and then restored on Youtube.   The record label also released a version in which the women wear clear plastic and white clothing.   Of course, the entire video is ripe with material to be viewed and criticized from a feminist viewpoint .   (i.e. the women are nude/partially clothed, the men are fully clothed, the interaction and gazes between the males and females, the words written on balloons referencing Robin Thicke’s anatomy, etc., etc.)   Robin Thicke has gone on record citing his wife’s approval as a reason that other women should not be offended.   J...

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, and Transitions has been busy making sure everyone knows it!  Our committee spent much of March calling boroughs in Union, Snyder, and Northumberland Counties to get permission to post teal ribbons in honor of Sexual Assault Awareness Month.  Lewisburg's downtown is now festive, with ribbons on parking meters from Hufnagle Park to 2nd St.  Milton's downtown is also sporting festive teal ribbons.  Look closely, as some of the ribbons have cards attached with information about Sexual Assault.  Here is what they say: Healthy Sexuality... ...is consensual and respectful.  ...is free from coercion and violence. ...contributes positively to self esteem and relationships with other people. Internet?  Facebook?  Photos, names, addresses, phone numbers, school name and/or activities are all "clues" for sexual predators to find you. Sexting?  Photos sent to a friend or posted online can not be "...