When someone comes to you…what will your reaction be?

            This is the tagline for End Violence Against Women International’s new campaign, Start by Believing.  Besides the obvious (though apparently, not always obvious enough!) action of not committing rape, the most helpful thing we can do for survivors is to believe and support them when they come to us and ask for help.  It is traumatic enough to be victimized in the first place; rapists rob their victims of their peace of mind, sense of safety, and temporarily their control over their own body and choices.  However, it is equally painful and demeaning to have the bravery to tell someone your story and then be doubted, brushed off, or vilified for speaking up.  Not only does this skeptical response hurt the survivor, but it also allows the rapist to continue on free of consequence—and most importantly, free to rape again.

            One common protest argues that women simply ‘cry rape’ and lie about what has happened.  However, national FBI statistics that take into account publicized research on false allegations of rape state that the prevalence of false allegations is only 2-10% of all reports of rape.  Even more interestingly, those percentages include (without differentiating) not only actual false reports, but also recantations, in which victims take back what they have said and change their minds about using law enforcement—not in which anyone is found to be lying.  In a culture where rape victims are forced to relive humiliating and painful accounts of their traumatic experiences again and again, are asked about what they were wearing and how much they had to drink before they are taken seriously, and sometimes still are not believed after putting themselves through all of that….I can think of several reasons why someone would decide not to go through with reporting it, after all.

            So when someone comes to you, what will your response be?  Will you be part of the culture that mocks and shames a victim back into silence about what was more than likely the most painful experience of her/his life?  Or will you start by believing?

Submitted by Beth K., Volunteer/Intern