Nothing New, Just Now Noticed
This past month or so, I have been asked my opinion more times than I can count about "this whole Ray Rice thing." Well, what troubles me is, are they so different than anyone else? I talk to maybe 8 to 10 people a week about leaving their abusive partner. I work with law enforcement departments to try to encourage prosecution, if that's what the victim/survivor wants. And I'm not the only one. There are 15 people on staff here, and countless other programs to help victims.
I understand, of course, that Ray Rice is a celebrity, just like Chris Brown was a celebrity and much has been said about their behavior and subsequent punishments, or lack thereof. But the truth is, how we treat celebrity abusers is often reflected in how we treat all abusers. If we don't hold abusers accountable at the local level, why would anything be different when it plays out on a national stage?
Why do we keep thinking that domestic violence is between two people? Why if one of those people doesn't want to cooperate with the police, then it's like nothing happened? Abusers know how to manipulate, cajole, or guilt their victims into dropping charges. Isn't all crime a crime against our society and not solely one person?
Whenever I watch that video, and no, I'm not going to link to it, I ask myself what would have I done? If I saw a man dragging an unconscious woman and he replied, it's fine, she's my girlfriend and she's drunk, would I have believed him? If I saw or heard someone abusing their partner, would I say something? This is a really difficult question to honestly answer. How many times have you felt something was off with one of your friends or family members, but weren't brave enough to ask if s/he was okay? Changing the culture of patriarchy and the allowance of domestic violence starts at the ground-level. We have to change locally if we expect there to be change nationally.
Unfortunately, Ray and Janay's story is also Paula and Ti's story, Melissa and Dave's story, Angelina and Jose's story and millions of others. This article's title is right, the only thing unusual is that anyone noticed. If you or someone you know is being abused, please contact us at 1-800-850-7948.
I understand, of course, that Ray Rice is a celebrity, just like Chris Brown was a celebrity and much has been said about their behavior and subsequent punishments, or lack thereof. But the truth is, how we treat celebrity abusers is often reflected in how we treat all abusers. If we don't hold abusers accountable at the local level, why would anything be different when it plays out on a national stage?
Why do we keep thinking that domestic violence is between two people? Why if one of those people doesn't want to cooperate with the police, then it's like nothing happened? Abusers know how to manipulate, cajole, or guilt their victims into dropping charges. Isn't all crime a crime against our society and not solely one person?
Whenever I watch that video, and no, I'm not going to link to it, I ask myself what would have I done? If I saw a man dragging an unconscious woman and he replied, it's fine, she's my girlfriend and she's drunk, would I have believed him? If I saw or heard someone abusing their partner, would I say something? This is a really difficult question to honestly answer. How many times have you felt something was off with one of your friends or family members, but weren't brave enough to ask if s/he was okay? Changing the culture of patriarchy and the allowance of domestic violence starts at the ground-level. We have to change locally if we expect there to be change nationally.
Unfortunately, Ray and Janay's story is also Paula and Ti's story, Melissa and Dave's story, Angelina and Jose's story and millions of others. This article's title is right, the only thing unusual is that anyone noticed. If you or someone you know is being abused, please contact us at 1-800-850-7948.
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