Talking to Kids about Sexuality

Many parents are not comfortable talking to their kids about sex, even though they might want them to know about the changes going on in their developing bodies, the feelings that they will start to have toward the bodies of others, the importance of self-control, birth-control, and how to prevent sexually transmitted infections.  Still, no matter how awkward these talks may be, communicating to your children in an affirming, respectful way really help kids form strong values and make healthier decisions.

Some parents, guardians, and teachers have expressed concern that talking to kids about sex and their developing bodies may give them the wrong idea!  However, Karofsky (2000), cites that studies show that teens whose parents talked to them about their sexuality in a warm and caring way were not only less likely to engage in adolescent sexual intercourse, but also less likely to use drugs or become depressed than their fellow teens who were either negatively informed or not talked to at all.

                                                                                                                                                             

According to McNeely (2002), when mothers exhibit natural and comfortable ways of communicating healthy sexuality attitudes to their teens, teens tend to wait until past adolescence to engage in intercourse and develop more self-respect and high esteem for self and others. 

Drug use, risky sexual experiences, truancy, incomplete high school education, and emotional distress are reported across several studies that trace a common denominator of lack of warm, natural, loving parental/guardian communication about how to understand one’s developing body and sexuality (Resnick, 1997), (Karofsky, 2000), and (Steinburg, 2001). 

When we as parents learn how to talk comfortably and naturally to our kids about their bodies, we model to them the appropriate attitude to take toward their body and the bodies of others.  We give them the language we want them to use when referring to parts of their body.  When we use the proper terms for their body parts, they learn that all of their body parts are important and have significant, specific functions.  We arm our children with an advantage when we talk to them about their developing bodies – the knowledge, the language skills, and the natural attitude we model to them will keep them from the sense of shame, bewilderment, and ignorance that often besets kids when their bodies begin to develop. 

As parents/guardians, caregivers, and concerned adults, it is sometimes a challenge to discuss relationships, development, and sex with the kids in our care.  Care for Kids (CFK) is a comprehensive healthy sexuality program that addresses this issue. An early childhood sexuality and abuse prevention program for parents and children aged three to eight, the program helps kids learn the proper terminology for all their body parts, understand that boys and girls have bodies that are alike in some ways and different in other important ways, create a safe and respectful attitude toward their bodies and the bodies of others, and learn what body functions and behaviors are public and what are private.  A natural, caring, common sense approach is taken in informing kids about babies, feelings, bedtime, safe and unsafe touching, and how to ask for help.   Partnering with child care providers, schools, and other child-serving agencies, Care for Kids is designed to help parents/caregivers develop the warm, caring, communication style that is necessary to reach kids in preventing childhood sexual abuse as well as set the stage for age-appropriate comprehensive sex education as the child develops.

Theoretically based on theories of child development sciences such as Jean Piaget, Maria Montessori, Thackery & Reddick (CFK, 2012) to name a few, CFK is based on the assumption that it is critical to respond to a child’s natural sexual curiosity by accepting the curiosity as welcome and giving honest, straightforward answers.  While the negative consequences of shaming can be greatly thwarted by using “teachable moments” where children witness diaper changing, bathing, and feeding activities with babies, learning how to set appropriate limits and teaching children to care for others through role play are greatly stressed. 

As preventionists, we are looking forward to presenting this material in our area day cares and pre-schools.  Please contact us if you have any comments, questions, or interest in hosting a free workshop for training staff, parents, or community members who want to learn more about this wonderful program.  Call (570) 523-1134 or email eckie_f@transitionsofpa.org or heather_s@transitionsofpa.org.

References:

Karofsky, P. (2000). Relationship between adolescent-parental communication and initiation of first

intercourse by adolescents. Journal of Adolescent Health: 28; 41-45.

McNeely, C. (2002). Mothers’ influence on the timing of first sex among 14- and 15-year-olds. Journal of Adolescent Health: 31(3): 256-65.

Prevent Child Abuse Vermont (2012), Care for Kids Program Manual, Early childhood sexuality and

abuse prevention for preschool, kindergarten, and grades 1-2.

Resnick, M. (1997). Protecting adolescents from harm: findings from the National Longitudinal Study on Adolescent Health. JAMA, 278:823-32.

Steinburg L. (2001) We know things: parent-adolescent relationships in retrospect and prospect. J

Research Adolescence; 11:1-19.

Written by: Eckie F., Education Specialist