A CHILD’S RIGHT TO KNOW
As a parent, grandparent, and educator, I am keenly aware that our kids, with or without our help, are going to get information about sex! The only thing we have on our side as adults is that we get to choose if our kids are getting their information from television, the internet, pornography, the teens next door, or if they are going to get it from us, their responsible, caring adults. It struck me a few years ago that as one of those responsible, caring adults, it was important that my own approach to sexuality was healthy. How could I guide the children in my care to a healthy, wholesome attitude toward their sexuality, otherwise?
It was not until I started working as a prevention education specialist that I realized that I did not have a healthy attitude toward sexuality. My childhood questions about my body parts were treated largely with dire warnings about what could happen to little girls who were curious about down there. I was instructed not to touch myself or let anybody ever touch me down there and to never, ever bring it up again. When our trusted adults react with such sharp reprimands, shame, embarrassment, or suspicions to our natural curiosity and questions, we are loathe to turn to them again as a source of information! This can have disastrous results since our childhood trusted adults are one of the few sources we have to learn about our bodies and sexuality in a positive way.
Teaching the kids in our lives is only part of it; it is our attitude that is the most important factor. Research informs us that negative attitudes learned in childhood toward sex can lead to dysfunctional personality throughout the lifespan. Unnecessary fears and worries tend to fill a young person’s mind when they have only been given half-truths and insinuations about sex rather than honest, forthright information.
However, when we share healthy approaches to sexuality and honest sexuality information with our children, we are not only helping them in the present, but we are preparing them for adulthood – to be good sources of information for their own children, for children of friends and partners, nieces and nephews, students, and grandchildren of their future. Is it such a stretch to imagine that the long-term health of our future generations largely depends upon the measures we take now to give the contemporary generation every advantage in learning to understand and respect sexuality in self and others?
The first measure is to use the proper terms. Adults who grew up with silly or crude names for genitals, who think that it is cute to call a vagina a “cookie,” or a penis a “wee-wee,” are encouraged to use correct dictionary terms for genitals from the start. Naming our body parts from the start by their correct names: breast, nipples, navel, abdomen, rectum, anus, penis, testicles, vulva, vagina goes far into giving children an extra layer of protection from being shamed or coerced into sexually abusive situations. Calling body functions by proper terms such as emptying bowels, emptying the bladder, urinating, defecating, for instance, also gives kids an alternative to using disrespectful terms that can lead to shame and unease over normal healthy functioning of the body.
We know our young people have access to pornography, are subject to sexual shaming, and sexual assault on a daily basis in school, out of school, and for some, even in their homes. A healthy sexuality education, starting from infancy, helps them to make better choices when they are faced with the twisted versions later on in life. Many families, schools, churches, and other community organizations are realizing this. For boys and girls who are not taught healthy sexuality in the home, an alternate curriculum is needed desperately in the classroom, so that pornographic videos and websites are not embraced as to what the sexual act and loving, caring relationships are truly like. We know that women have a one in four chance of being victimized by domestic violence. We know that roughly one in five women and one in 71 men are raped each year. Knowing this, we must not drag our feet about teaching our kids about healthy sexuality.
Education is critical if we want to change male and female attitudes toward sexual violence and control. Let us surround our children with healthy and honest information about sex, gender, all parts of their body, feelings, impulses, and relationships – removing the false sense of decorum that would withhold this information from them. Establishing a healthy sexuality approach from birth throughout childhood not only provides children with the knowledge that can protect them from making harmful, destructive choices, but gives them an advantage in all areas of their lives, relationships, and opportunities for growth and development.
References:
Davis, M., (1975) A Plan for Growing Up, Chapter 6: Sex Education for the Very Young, The Richards Company, NY
http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/womens-blog/2014/may/30/women-sexuality
Laura Bates on everyday sexism
Chitra Panjabi - Stop Missing the Point: Sex Ed Is a Human Right
Written by: Eckie F., Education Specialist
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