Flashback Feminist Friday--Sexual Assault Can Take Many Forms

Caution:  Sexually explicit content

Currently, there is a controversy surrounding a recently released video of a young woman being sexually assaulted by a young man on the street.  The controversy is whether this woman is a “real victim” or not.  (There’s also additional controversy about the identity of the victim.)  This conversation, about “real” rape, and “real” victims has gone on and on and although I will add my outcry and frustration, I cannot add a different perspective.  Besides to say that rape is rape and victims are victims, until they become survivors.  Do we really need to compare and rate levels of trauma and when abuse is “bad enough”?

Instead, I would like to comment on the outcries that this woman is not being sexually assaulted, and in my opinion, a lot of this comes from the fact that this sexual assault does not include vaginal intercourse through penetration by a penis.  There is a notion that digital penetration (fingering) is not sexual assault and cunnilingus (oral sex) is not sexual assault.  IT IS.  Yes.  Under the law, these can be considered indecent assault, and involuntary deviate sexual intercourse, respectively.

Specifically about cunnilingus, the media has told men they should not want to do this.  And it has told women that men do not want to do it.  Therefore, if someone is engaging in cunnilingus, it must be because the receiver wanted it, or asked for it.  There’s a “you’re welcome!” attitude, which makes it seem like this could or would never be used as a weapon of power.  But it is!  Any penetration by anything without consent is rape, and it is illegal and wrong. 

I think we can all agree that it can be difficult to heal after a sexual assault.  Now, imagine how much harder it is to heal after a sexual assault when your body responded positively to your attacker.  Now, consider how much harder it is to heal when you are not only doubting yourself, but other people are telling you that you weren’t raped.  No matter what it is, or what you call it, when someone does something to your body that you haven’t consented to, that is NOT OK.

I write this to remind all of us that rape is not only vaginal intercourse, and just because someone was raped in a different way, it doesn’t make it any less criminal.  No matter what, it is not the victim’s fault.