Compassion at Work

Seventeen years ago this month, my daughter died from injuries suffered in a car accident.  She had just graduated from high school; she had won a scholarship to NYU, and was looking forward to a summer internship at the United States Institute for Peace in Washington, D.C.  During this time of anguish and grief, many of my family members, friends, and coworkers seemed lost and unable to talk to me.  They didn’t know what to say or do – and so many of them said and did nothing.  Years later, many would apologize and ask me to forgive them for their inability to share in my grief and show their compassion for what I was going through. 

I often think about that time in my life. Family and friends who braved the pain of losing Manda with me, who came and held my hand, shared a memory, cried and laughed with me, and brought me food and drink will always have a special place in my heart.  They didn’t talk about their own losses, but shared fully in my loss.  They created a place where I felt safe and could gain strength to face the rest of my life without her. 

It has occurred to me that we need to take lessons in showing compassion.  Somehow in our fast-paced world, we have forgotten how to be with people in their time of sadness and sorrow.  According to Jennifer V. Miller, leadership consultant, a simple direct approach works in most cases, and from personal experience, I know what worked with me.  People who called to simply check up on me, to ask how I was doing, who offered to do practical things such as sharing a cup of tea or dropping off a tray of cookies, the ones who let me talk about her and were not afraid of my tears or taken aback by my laughter, seemed to instinctively know how to show compassion. 

We are human beings.  And suffering loss is going to take place no matter where we live or where we work.  Having compassion is an interpersonal concept unlike gratitude and happiness in that it is tied to the dark side of being human.  Compassion, says Miller, goes hand-in hand with suffering. The positive component in suffering is that through sharing compassion we renew and revitalize our work and ourselves.   In our leadership, social change, and advocacy work at Transitions it is vital that we learn how to show compassion with one another as well as the people we serve. 

One way to help us deal with the suffering of our clients and the inevitable suffering and losses that our coworkers go through is to learn to show compassion – we already know how to care about others in a deep way, but how do we best show it.  Showing compassion means putting our focus on others, and showing them that we care, thus taking the attention off of our own problems.  I certainly found this most soothing when I lost my daughter – when people asked me how I was doing and shared in my loss rather than recounting and comparing their own losses during this time. 

Compassion in the work environment means being able to tune in to what our coworkers are going through by being in the moment, listening to hear what the person is saying, and paying close attention to their body language – not just their words.

All of us are in the same boat – we are all going to suffer, experience loss, humiliation, and grief.  We can’t chuck all that at the door when we get to work!  For some of us, showing compassion is second nature – and for others it is something that we must learn.  In any case –showing how much you care for a coworker or client in pain elevates and energizes our work from something we “do,” to something we “share.” 

Written by Eckie F., Education Specialist