SEVEN WAYS TO BATTLE THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE BLUES

Battling the Domestic Violence blues?  October is a classic 'down' month for people in our field of work.  All year long we address issues that surround domestic violence – we hear about people hurting one another in the place that is supposed to be, meant to be, the safest place on earth.  It is a kind of work that no matter how zealous you may be about getting our positive messages out, and responding to crisis situations, sooner or later it becomes a drain and all of us are susceptible to burnout.

In October, with the long, dark nights of winter soon coming, this kind of violence may present itself more prominently, and our work may start to feel overwhelming.  It is only to be expected that as a team, we all start to lose our mojo just a little bit!

So, what can we do about it?  Here are seven things that help keep me committed to prevention education and the work we do.  Consider how these may impact your work.  I encourage everybody to make a list of your own to share with others so that we can inspire and impact not only our victims and survivors and community members but each other.

Focus on How Much You Care for People

Once people figure out that you really care about them, they will typically do what they can to show concern and help pick you up when you are down.  It becomes a virtuous cycle then instead of a drain – no matter how hard your day or night has been, no matter how sick and tired you may feel, when your clients show you how much you have meant to them, when they give you words of appreciation, and really seem to have made some strides in a healthy direction, you will be more inclined to show up for them every single day.  If you are not committed to caring for your clients, that is when you will hit a rut and quickly burnout. 

Try Something New

We start out in this work wanting to change lives and our world for the better.  Soon after we start working though we get into a routine, the stories of violence and abuse all begin to sound alarmingly alike!  We begin to use the same books, curricula, videos, techniques, phrases, and counseling skills that we have learned from those who have worked here for many years.  It helps to remind ourselves that there are always ways in which we can bring our own hearts to the work, our own words, and materials.  As simple as picking up a new book or watching a new documentary about how to inspire people to make healthy changes in their relationship dynamic can bring new life into your ways of relating.  As workmates, let us encourage one another to learn and incorporate new stuff into our way of doing things. 

Battle Your Boredom with Creativity

Using art, music, poetry, and creative writing are all ways in which we can inject our work with more meaning and purpose.  All of us have our own personal way to communicate the lessons we have learned and the abuses we have endured and most importantly, the ways we have healed from personal and public violence.  Using several mediums without worrying about the results or if you are any “good” or not,” allows others to share their projects in a positive, non-judgmental venue.  This is an exciting process which allows us to learn, innovate, and experiment and enjoy one another as we reveal more about our inner workings and selves in a safe and supportive environment.

Find Your Tribe Within The Tribe

The energy and pizzazz we often feel at the beginning of our jobs are nowhere in sight after hundreds of counseling sessions, presenting programs, emergency room visits, and being swamped in our paperwork and other demands.  Teaming up with at least one other colleague when you are feeling overwhelmed – especially one who is committed to seeing the bright side of situations, who listens, who is not afraid to give advice, and who shows interest in your work as you do their work.  Whether this is someone in your own department, in your own office building, or a supportive network at the community or state level, just make sure it is a constructive source of comfort and support.  Steer clear of negativity and people prone to complain and spin others with a negative outlook.  If you want to keep your mojo, then find the ones who allow you to vent frustrations, affirm them, and then encourage you to work through them and go forward!

Take a Reflection Break

How often do we receive a meaningful email or “thank you” and then just go on to the next item on our to-do list and forget about it?  Keep a treasure chest of your mission moments – whether is it a file folder or a box or just a sweet spot in your memories – hold on to thank you note, emails, phone calls and the like – that our clients, students, and community members give to us.  Reading and reflecting on these expressions of gratitude provide a big boost of energy and inspiration.  Not only that, but take a step back and think of how far you have come and how many people you have touched in a positive way.  Think about the relationships you have established and the abuses you have prevented.

Keep Your Light Burning

A few years ago, I was getting bogged down with all the demands of this work – and it wasn’t just the feeling of hopelessness that I was experiencing about child sexual abuse prevention or domestic violence – it was the paperwork and procedures, the curriculum revisions, and the seeming lack of a support system at work.  In talking to my best friend and husband, he told me that it would be a shame to quit my job, since I have finally found work that has instilled me with passion and that I am good at!  He reminded me that I needed a challenge and that to keep my light burning, I would have to find a way to keep it burning no matter the challenges that I faced at work. 

How was I going to keep my light burning?  After much reflection, I realized that:  I have a deep desire to be self-directed; I thrive in an environment where I am encouraged not only to use my unique skills and talents, but to improve upon them: and I can only give my heart to work that has meaning and fulfills an important purpose. 

This meant that I could not sit around and wait for others to push me in the direction that I was supposed to go.  After careful consideration of the time, money, and effort it would take, I enrolled in a master of curriculum and instruction program so that I could improve upon my skills and talents as an educator.  I didn’t do this because the job required it of me, I did it because it would help me get better at something I love and feel called to do, and that also fulfills an important purpose.  It was my way to keep the light burning.  How do you keep your light burning?

Resist Being Isolated

An introvert with decent social skills, I prefer to be alone.  I work best when I am alone and have few distractions.  One thing, however, that I have learned in doing our work, is that we all need each other.  Reaching out to each other, sharing our distress and disappointments, doesn’t mean we are bad at our jobs and should go work somewhere else.  This October, I encourage you to invite each other in – into our offices, into our work, into what inspires us and serves to remind us that we cannot do this work alone.  There is a community here!  And we can tell each other what is going on and support one another.

 Written by Eckie Friar, Education Specialist